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Home > Sex and relationships > Healthy relationships > Signs of an unhealthy relationship

Signs of an unhealthy relationship

Unhealthy relationships can impact how you feel about yourself, and can be harmful to other parts of your life.

Unhealthy dynamics can influence your mental health, your other relationships, as well as your schoolwork and hobbies. By recognizing signs of an unhealthy relationship, we can shift to healthier behaviors and take care of ourselves.

Swipe through below to learn about different signs of unhealthy relationships.

Possessiveness
When someone feels like they own another person and their time. This can be rooted in jealously or fear, causing people to cling on too tight. Some signs of possessiveness: keeping track of your location and schedule, going through your things or phone, and trying to control who you spend your time with.
Manipulation
When someone seeks to gain control over someone else. Some signs of manipulation: passive aggression, gaslighting, distorting facts, playing on your guilt or sympathy, giving you the cold shoulder.
Isolation
When a friend or romantic partner tries to cut your connections to anyone other than them. This could look like your partner insisting on spending as much time together as possible, insisting on knowing all your passwords, refusing to interact with other important people in your life, or inventing reasons why you cannot see or speak to other people.
Self-Sabotage
An intentional or unintentional effort to ruin a relationship. People sabotage their own relationships for many reasons which can stem from low self-confidence or past trauma. Self-sabotage in a relationship can look like: criticizing your partner, holding grudges, putting little to no energy into the relationship, canceling plans for no reason, having unrealistic expectations, and always having ‘one foot out the door’.
Belittling
When someone makes you feel unimportant and inferior, which can take a toll on your self-esteem and confidence in a relationship. Belittling can look like criticism or insults, humiliating you, making your goals or achievements seem less important, telling hurtful ‘jokes’ at your expense, ignoring how you feel, bringing up past mistakes, and treating you as their property.
Intensity (Love-Bombing)
An attempt to manipulate someone through over-the-top displays of affection or attention. This often happens early in a relationship and could include constant communication or gifts, excessive compliments, mirroring all of your interests, and talking too much about “our future”.
Volatility
The tendency for circumstances or emotions to change quickly ad unpredictably. Volatility can look like: explosions of anger, small disagreements turning into larger arguments, and frequent break-ups and make-ups.
Blame Shifting / Deflecting Responsibility
Failing to take accountability for their actions, and instead tries to direct the conversation elsewhere. Blame shifting can look like: your partner blaming you, a third party, or an inanimate object instead of considering that they could be at fault.
Betrayal
Betrayal in a relationship refers to disloyalty. It can look like withholding important information, sharing private information about a partner, constantly putting your needs ahead of your partners, and infidelity (aka cheating).

How to get support and support others in unhealthy relationships

Figuring out if your relationship is unhealthy may not be straightforward. For example, we may feel love for someone, but find we're always stressed out around them. Ultimately, you know your mind and body better than anyone else. If you find a relationship in your life is making you unusually stressed or feel bad about yourself, it may be time to ask friends, family for help or seek help from a professional source.

If you see that a friend is experiencing any of these things in their relationships, the most important thing is to let them know you are there for them. The feelings people have in an unhealthy relationship can be complex and confusing. Just letting them know that they deserve respect, open communication, and to feel good in their relationships can be helpful.

Whether for yourself or for a friend, there are resources that can help.

Find relationship support resources

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This tool is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information on this website for diagnosing or treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional health care provider.