Sex and pleasure

Sex should feel good!

People have sex for a variety of reasons, including to feel connected to a partner, for intimacy and – importantly - to feel good. In many conversations about sex, pleasure is left out, but the desire to feel good is one of the top reasons people have sex! There are no rules or “right ways” to achieve sexual pleasure as long as there’s no danger to you or anyone else.

Learn what feels good to you.

What types of sex and what a person enjoys during sex are unique to them. Learning to understand what gives you pleasure will help you advocate for what you want with the people you have sex with. One way people learn what feels good to them is self-exploration through masturbation and other forms of sensual self-touch. Getting to know your own body will help you know what you like and – equally as important – what you don’t like.

Consent and communication are key!

Often in TV and movies, pleasurable sex that makes all parties happy often just seems to happen. But, because what a person enjoys during sex is unique to them, this rarely is true in real life. Talking to your sexual partners before, during, and after sex is key to ensuring that sex is fun and pleasurable for everyone involved. Discuss what each of you like and dislike and what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable. Getting and giving clear consent - voluntary and mutual agreement to engage - is the first step in any intimate act with another person.

Ongoing communication helps make sex fun and fulfilling

Communication doesn’t have to stop with consent! Getting ongoing feedback on what feels good to our partners can be sexy and helpful! Some questions to ask: does this feel good to you? Do you like this? Where do you like to be kissed? Do you like to be kissed harder or softer? Sharing ongoing feedback about what feels good to you, is just as important.

Keep in mind: you don’t need a partner to enjoy great sex!

Masturbation (touching yourself) can be a healthy, fun, and safe way to explore your own body and learn about what feels good to you. It also has its health benefits – many people masturbate as a way to de-stress. Though it might not seem like it based on how little masturbation is openly talked about, lots of people masturbate!